just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
