I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
