I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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