I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girls should come with a carfax report
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
