Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
