i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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