I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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