I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
