i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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