my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
