All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
