this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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