So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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