It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
