It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
