We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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