You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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