Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
