she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
