He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
