Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
