Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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