My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
