Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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