Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i dont even know how to be here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
