Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
