I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
