so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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