Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
