Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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