Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
