it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
