Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
