This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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