I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
