sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
