there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
