i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
