I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
