She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
