i love accidental penises.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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