But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
