epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
