WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
