she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
