How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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