I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My life is pants optional.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
