The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
