We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, beer. Big fan.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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