Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
